Is your Ebenezer a scrooge?
“It is not good for man to be alone. I will make an ezer suitable for him (Genesis 2:18).
Gelsterburg Castle once stood on a steep hill above the Gelster River. Now only its moat and embankment remain. In 1140, King Conrad III, besieged the castle. Faced with starvation or surrender, the lady of the castle dared to present herself to the king and beg for mercy. Her tears touched the enemy's heart. The king vowed to put all the men to the sword, but agreed to allow the women and children safe passage away from the castle. In addition, he agreed to the lady’s request that each woman be allowed to carry out her choicest treasure. Soon after, the women marched out of the castle with their husbands on their shoulders. The king honored the agreement and acknowledged the lady's clever trick, saying, "A king should always stand by his word." To this day the boundary stone can be seen where the lady stopped to rest with her heavy burden, her choicest treasure, her husband (here).
Context: What did the original audience know and understand?
The Old Testament contains numerous variations of this story: Rahab protected the Hebrew spies, Deborah and Jael rescued an army, and Esther saved a nation. They all faced certain death, and acted independently with boldness and decisive action. In each instance the woman was the hero of the moment— she rescued and she saved. She was an ezer.
A partnership made in paradise: The creation story is recorded in the book of Genesis; it doesn’t begin with sunshine and roses. It begins with a universe already in chaos. Darkness, waters, and a world without form and void is judgment language, suggesting the aftermath of something catastrophic. In the beginning it’s actually a crime scene. Before God said, “Let there be light,” something had already drowned the light. On the sixth day God declared all creation “good”, yet before the day ended he declared something “not good". “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (ezer) who is suitable to him.” Adam is placed in a deep trance (Gen 2:21) and separated into two sides; one side becomes the woman and the other remains the man, like equal and corresponding sides of a building. (See my article Do you have a better half? on the origin of “rib” (here). Upon seeing her in all her glory, Adam bursts forth in doxology, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” In the beginning the man and woman are a perfect partnership of unstructured democracy (Francis Shaeffer).
An introduction to Ezer: Ezer is one of the most misunderstood words in the Bible, but really it’s quite simple. The word shows up twenty-one times in the Old Testament:
2 times to describe the Edenic woman (Genesis 2:18 & Genesis 2:20)
1 time to explain that the Hebrew people would not be considered a help to Egypt (Isaiah 30:5)
1 time to explain how the Prince of Jerusalem would be removed and taken to Babylon, and his helpers scattered to the wind (Ezekiel 12:14)
All other times ezer is used as a descriptor of God (YHWH).
Being an ezer is not a feminine role or a subordinate role. The concept of role is not Biblical, it is a modern imposition on the text. Throughout the Old Testament ezer does not suggest ‘helper’ as in ‘servant’, but help, savior, rescuer, for everything from physical rescue in battle to spiritual support, emphasizing indispensable partnership. The word is consistently used to describe God in a military context. He is a “shield and defense,” “better than chariots and horses,” standing “sentry watch over his people.” The prophet Samuel commemorates God’s miraculous assistance and deliverance in battle by erecting a stone monument, an Ebenezer, “stone of help”. In the garden, God deploys the ezer to break the man’s aloneness by soldiering with him wholeheartedly and at full strength. God didn’t create the woman to bring half of herself to his global commission or to minimize herself when the man is around. The fanfare over her is overblown if God was only planning for her to do, for the man, things he was perfectly capable of doing for himself. If Adam must think, decide, protect, and provide for the woman, she actually becomes a burden on him — not much help when you think about it— and God is not an Ebenezer, he’s a scrooge. But God didn’t give Adam an inferior helper, she is his equal, a warrior, a mirror image of God himself. God commands both the man and the woman to fill the earth and to rule the earth. The kind of help the man needs will require full deployment of her strength, her gifts, and the best she has to offer. He needs her to procreate and fill the earth, and he needs her to co-create and rule the earth, to bring order beyond the garden (Genesis 1:28) in a world “without form and void.” He needs an ezer kenegdo, a strong, corresponding partner—exactly what God provides. In the beginning each relationship is as it should be and in its proper order: to God, to one another, to nature, and to self. In their sinless state the man and woman share the moral authority to rule. How did the woman, who is created ezer kenegdo (strong partner and perfect match), end up subordinated to the man?
Rebellion begets patriarchy: One of the the saddest commentaries in scripture is found in Genesis 3:16. The woman’s desire will be for her man, but he will rule over her (Genesis 3:16). This is announced by God after the fall, not as a promise, but as a dire prediction of disordered relationships. In sin they are separated from God and from each other, they are separated from the natural order of creation, and ultimately at death their souls will be separated from their bodies. Rebellion against God begets patriarchy. Fallen men do not have moral authority to rule. It is seized through hierarchical structures, built by men, systems Jesus explicitly forbids (Matthew 20:25-28). Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Brute strength becomes the measure of all things, ‘red in tooth and claw’. Women are not safe in a ‘man’s world’. Strong, virtuous men must fight against evil, otherwise evil prevails. Men surpass women in size, strength, and speed, so it didn’t take long for power to coalesce in men. Three chapters into the Bible, ezer is rejected. Cain forsakes God, subjugates women, builds a city, and makes a name for himself. By the eleventh chapter, on the plain of Shinar, an entire city makes a name for themselves by building the Tower of Babel (here). Old Babylonian tradition claims they received secret knowledge from the apkallus, the ancient gods of Mesopotamia. This included alchemy, technology and metallurgy, cosmetics, astrology, magic and sorcery—a mixed bag of curses and blessings. The first three focus on cosmic intelligence, generally appeal to men, and are centered on the application of scientific knowledge, skills, and techniques to solve problems and manipulate the human environment. As a curse they proliferate in the arts of warfare and bloodshed. The final four focus on esoteric wisdom, generally appeal to women, and are centered on exploring deeper truths about the universe, human consciousness, and spirituality. As a curse they proliferate in the arts of seduction and the occult. In general men are drawn to the physical realm and women to the spiritual realm. Men do complex systems, women do human dynamics. Jewish writers during the second temple period observed the same forbidden knowledge at work in society and chronicled its source in the Book of Enoch. In modern societies there is a lot of overlap of the sexes, so stereotypes are often misleading. One thing is certain, segregating the sexes is a curse. Men and women need each other to balance out their inherent inclinations and to inform their spheres of blissful ignorance.
Historical Progression: From Cain to Christ men ruled over women: defining them, designating their habitat, and determining their roles. Men ruling over women invariably coincides with men overruling God: defining him, designating his habitat, and determining his role. Men habitually assume they are the arbiters of God who creates life, and women who bring life into the world. Jesus, who is the exact representation of God, established his church in harmony with paradise, men ruling alongside women. This intent is manifest in the Holy Spirit’s gifts to the church, they are not gender specific. Yet, within a generation of Jesus’ disciples, the Son of God was overruled by the rule of men. The church as an organism of the Holy Spirit became an organization of men (here). Maleness became the norm, and man became the measure of all things. The aesthetic refinement and emotional warmth of a woman’s touch disappeared from public spheres. Once she was “very good”, now she is subpar. No longer man’s ezer, she is a useful appendage (John Calvin). How sinister the muse that inspires men to subordinate women. In reality the Bible does not define masculinity or femininity: it does not command men to “be more masculine” and women to “be more feminine.” It does command us to be like Jesus. “Love one another as I have loved you, and love your neighbor as yourself.” Scripture also commands men and women to “Put on the full armor of God” and…stand firm”, lock arms with one another in the spiritual battle for eternal truth. Women are never told to “stand down” and assume a minor role. ‘Damsel in distress’ is learned helplessness. Every woman must maintain her ezer position; she is irreplaceable. Women battle differently than men. It starts early; little boys overtly pound the stuffing out of one other on the playground while little girls kill each other covertly in the corner of the classroom. Stealth is a winning strategy, just ask the Old Testament women cited above. When women stand down and men rule unconstrained, the world becomes a bloodcurdling scream. The female inclination toward spirituality and self-preservation is squelched. The 20th Century stands as a stark example of this curse, warfare and bloodshed in the extreme, and the 21st Century is equally abhorrent. Just War Theory drowns out “Thou shalt not kill” , and eventually ‘just war’ is pilloried in pursuit of ‘wars of choice’. Yet, even in their most terrifying moment, dying men don’t cry out for other men. They beg for the comfort of God; they long to be held in the arms of the women who love them? Every warrior who comes home from the battlefield bears scars, not just physically, but emotionally, in the depth of his soul. He must wage a battle in the cavern of his mind, fight his way back to living. He can’t do it alone. He needs an ezer to rescue him. The term is never applied to a man, it belongs to God and the woman, it describes a rescuer or strong ally, someone who will fix a deficiency in the man’s isolation. Simply said, the man is not good without the woman, and she is incomplete without him. It is a truism of life. I married the most fascinating man I’ve ever met. He is my muse in unexpected ways. He came to me from a warzone, broken by a decade of fighting to survive. I rescued him and simultaneously he saved me from circumstances I never imagined. He is my safe place. Beset by human frailty, we choose to synchronize our steps to the music of life, and we strive to harmonize with the melody of oneness. He does the heavy lifting, I lift the heavy hearts. He lives one day at a time, I live a lifetime in one day. He embraces the God of mysteries, I wrestle with the mysteries of God. “No kings. No crowns. Just two souls trying to rise above the fall. In the soil of our mistakes, we learn forgiveness covers all. Take me as I am and pull me towards what’s right. Lead me on, bring me back to life…” (Lead Me On, song by Khan Flo Mah, here).
The curious circumstance of the Christian church: From the beginning God makes it clear that the woman is indispensable. Her innate qualities are a necessary balance to the inclinations of the man. Therefore, I am skeptical of “Christian doctrines” that subordinate women. In so doing, they subordinate God to the traditions of men, something Jesus warned about (Mark 7:8) This pattern is not hidden. Systematic theology replaces spiritual inspiration as the governing authority. When scriptural support is lacking, the traditions of men, under the banner “traditions of the church”, are marshaled for support (here). A tradition is ‘God’s truth’ if the church held it historically. It’s curious the church seems ignorant of the espoused position of ezer. The Hebrew scriptures are not bashful about holding women in high esteem. Ezer is the epitome, a descriptor not only applied to the woman, but held by God. I don’t believe I’ve ever heard that sermon preached from the pulpit. Jesus esteems women throughout the gospels. They are first to discover the empty tomb and to see Jesus risen. He sends a woman, Mary Magdalene, to the distraught disciples hiding in the shadow of the crucifixion, with the message of life, “I’ve seen the Lord. He is risen!” Division and denuding are the devil’s dirty work. He does a dumbfoundingly good job of pitting men against women. God’s holy words are not shielded from abuse, he wields them as weapons, creating false pretexts. Conjecture, without context, creates Christian principles that are merely cultural preferences tied up in a lavish bow of “Thus saith the Lord.” Paul’s writings are often targets. The most popular canards are: women cannot hold authority over men (here), women must submit to men (here), and women are easily deceived (here). Context demonstrates that these opinions are false, but they still weasel their way in through curious translation practices. Recently the ESV Bible had to reverse course on it’s version of Genesis 3:16 where God clearly warns, “Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you”, demonstrating the man’s passion for power will result in a broken partnership. In August 2016 the ESV put words into God’s mouth promoting the opposite, warning, “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he will rule over you”, suggesting Eve will have the sinful ‘desire’ to oppose Adam and assert leadership over him. By February 2025 the ESV translation committee changed their minds and reverted to the original translation (here). Obviously reality is a bugger and impossible to overcome. Occasionally we come to our senses and realize we’re looking at the wrong time horizon. God’s long-term plan, created in eternity, is much grander than anything we can concoct with a flowchart, sliding scale, and a committee of interpreters. The Genesis account makes clear the man and woman equally bear the image of God. They are commanded by God to procreate and co-create, to rule the earth. The woman is indispensable in this equation. We instinctively recognize a woman’s touch, and conversely, the lack of it. She brings emotional depth and relational nuance to an environment that may otherwise feel too rigid or mechanical. Because of her contributions, life is infinitely better. The Kingdom of God, inaugurated by Jesus, is founded on the same principle—men and women working together in unison (homothumadon in Acts). The church remembered the ezer for the first century. By the second century it reimagined the Ebenezer in man’s image and became a stringent scrooge. Men may change their minds about women, but God does not change his mind about the irreplaceable partnership he created from the beginning (Numbers 23:19).
Conclusion: It is expected when someone says, “I love you” that the other person will respond in kind. The Genesis woman desired her man, but he didn’t respond in kind. He desired to rule everything—especially her. How long has God been waiting for men to see women as God sees them, to harmonize with the melody of oneness? Pastor and scholar Terran Williams recounts the moment he realized the meaning and ramifications of ezer kenegdo. “Before words could come out of my mouth, tears rolled down my cheeks. Standing in front of me was my wife, someone I had seen countless times, and yet, I was seeing as if for the first time. “You are my ezer kenegdo—my strong helper and perfect match. You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh,” I said to her. “You are strong where I am weak.” A log of misunderstanding about God’s ideal now removed from my mind’s eye, I glimpsed my wife as God sees her.” In the beginning God did not abandon the man to aloneness. He gave him the desire of his heart. He gave him the best he had to give, a part of himself, the woman. You can listen to Terran William’s sermon, A Partnership Made in Paradise (here).
Sources: Hebrew Word Study, Chaim Bentorah; https://hebrewwordlessons.com/2018/05/13/helper-defining-the-ezer-woman/; https://sandraglahn.substack.com/p/what-does-it-mean-that-woman-is-mans; unleashed#:~:text=Long%20before%20I%20started%20digging%2C%20scholars%20tallied,kicker%20%E2%80%94%20sixteen%20times%20for%20God%20as; https://joyfullifemagazine.com/ezer-kenegdo-created-to-be-his-helpmeet/; https://faithgateway.com/blogs/christian-books/ezer- ; How God Sees Women, Terran Williams; Tell Her Story, Nijay K Gupta; https://margmowczko.com/teshuqah-desire/ ; Men and Women in Christ, Andrew Bartlett; Paul and Gender, Cynthia Long Westfall; Paul, Women, and Wives, Craig S Keener; Non-toxic Masculinity, Zachary Wagner